Imagined Conversations #432-#437

“You’re sister’s a real pistol.” I don't want to know what that means.  “It means she never gave me a second date.” 

“How long have you been together?”  Three years, well, technically two, since he slept with that other girl.  “Oh, shit, I remember that.”  Yeah.  So it’s three.

“How can I help you?”  My ticket, it’s become, de-magnetized.  “Was it near a cellular device?”  No.  I actually held it away from me while I was walking to make sure this sort of thing wouldn’t happen, and it did anyway.  “I'm sorry about that.  Just say your name at the gate and we’ll buzz you out.”  Thanks.  “Enjoy your night, miss.”

“That guy over there can hold his breath for twenty minutes.”  That’s not possible, man.  “His grandpa invented the backstroke.”

“I know I'm a good person, but I feel bad about it.  I want to help, but if I don't get eight hours of sleep, I'm no good.”  Hey, hey.  Why did everyone hate the shrimp?  “Why?”  Because he was shellfish.

“It’s a goddamn porn movie, and I won’t have it.”  It’s a love story.  “Love, my ass.  It’s a goddamn porn story.”