3.1

I haven’t really been doing anything.  I eat a banana at Starbucks and wait for a tutoring session.  On Fridays, I drive out to the west side way before my appointment.  I go to a coffee shop that is only named letters and they don’t put anything less than four shots in a drink.  The rest of the evening I'm equipped with a steady buzz, a hum, a vibration that moves through me and makes me nervous, gives me a good twitch in the legs.  It makes breathing feel planned.  I like when it rains because I need a jacket, and the jacket makes me feel important.  This is all better than Florida.  This is all better than anything there was before.  I still hold into my arrogant behavior, my expectations.  Sometimes on days like today, I start getting good ideas.  I have to remind myself that I cannot control anything out there, that they are living and being and going and I must do the same.  I have to remember that we are saved by love.