I haven’t really been doing anything. I eat a banana at Starbucks and wait for a tutoring session. On Fridays, I drive out to the west side way before my appointment. I go to a coffee shop that is only named letters and they don’t put anything less than four shots in a drink. The rest of the evening I'm equipped with a steady buzz, a hum, a vibration that moves through me and makes me nervous, gives me a good twitch in the legs. It makes breathing feel planned. I like when it rains because I need a jacket, and the jacket makes me feel important. This is all better than Florida. This is all better than anything there was before. I still hold into my arrogant behavior, my expectations. Sometimes on days like today, I start getting good ideas. I have to remind myself that I cannot control anything out there, that they are living and being and going and I must do the same. I have to remember that we are saved by love.