Kind of Sick

Monday mornings with turkey and eggs, trying to be healthy, got a workout in, feeling kind of sick.  I hear the men and their cars before sunrise, music playing, foreign tunes and I can’t tell if the songs are happy or sad.  Waiting for someone to say something.  Waiting for someone to respond.  Finishing a book, starting a new one.  Refusing to write because I'm hungry, tired, kind of sick.  Hair is doing a weird thing.  Wearing sneakers everywhere.  It feels like an accomplishment to go to the grocery store and fill up my cart.  I run into a friend from work and forget how to speak, how to partake in conversation.  He’s buying juice boxes and I’m looking for the best bushel of cilantro a girl can find.  I go to a meeting and take notes.  Someone talks about radical acceptance.  I drive home and crave a Coke Zero.  I think everything will be okay, work outthe way it’s supposed to.  But I'm not sure if I can stop fighting reality.   I plan for every possibly eventuality.  In other words, it’s all fear-based.  I have to learn how to breathe.  How do I know my life is unmanageable?  How can I let go of others’ problems?  I have a lot of awareness, this week.