Monday mornings with turkey and eggs, trying to be healthy, got a workout in, feeling kind of sick. I hear the men and their cars before sunrise, music playing, foreign tunes and I can’t tell if the songs are happy or sad. Waiting for someone to say something. Waiting for someone to respond. Finishing a book, starting a new one. Refusing to write because I'm hungry, tired, kind of sick. Hair is doing a weird thing. Wearing sneakers everywhere. It feels like an accomplishment to go to the grocery store and fill up my cart. I run into a friend from work and forget how to speak, how to partake in conversation. He’s buying juice boxes and I’m looking for the best bushel of cilantro a girl can find. I go to a meeting and take notes. Someone talks about radical acceptance. I drive home and crave a Coke Zero. I think everything will be okay, work outthe way it’s supposed to. But I'm not sure if I can stop fighting reality. I plan for every possibly eventuality. In other words, it’s all fear-based. I have to learn how to breathe. How do I know my life is unmanageable? How can I let go of others’ problems? I have a lot of awareness, this week.